Today is an absolutely beautiful day. Am I outside, reclined in a deck chair sipping at a freshly mixed smoothie? No, no I'm not. This has been my day so far.
So here I am typing away in my stuffy little room trying to think of something to write about.
I think to myself, "if I just hurry up and write something unfunny and not entertaining, I can go outside for a while." But today, I can't think of anything at all. The only thing on my mind at the moment is how many dishes there are in the sink, what my best route through the house would be to cause minimal effort when I wrangle that demon-lord vacuum cleaner.
I don't consider myself to be overly lazy, I just have a horrible set of priorities. As mother dear always used to say to me "GET YOUR PRIORITIES STRAIGHT KIDDO." I never did, still haven't.
For example, I'll be on the internet and this little voice will be in my head whispering, "hey Sean, Sean, hey! You've got stuff to do! There's a whole load of washing that finished an hour ago that needs to be taken out!" "Fuck off", I mutter as I get back to the incredibly important task of laughing at pictures of cats.
Imagine my disgust when I realize my life is like a sick, twisted version of the Legend of Zelda. I have this little bastard in my ear every few seconds. The worst part is, I do these tasks but I don't get any rupees as a reward, I don't have a full inventory of gleaming rewards, fuck, I don't even get any experience, just a pat on the back from myself and something else to finish.
I sit here typing and then it hits me. I will never kill a dragon or go on an epic quest, ever, never, nevereneveveeevrevrvevrevvevr.
Never will I feel the thrill of coming away from a fight with a boss with a sliver of HP left, the burning remains of it's body left in front of me. No, in the real world, if you fight a boss, you come away with no job and a bad reference.
Never will I slowly die from poison on an epic quest, to be teleported to the nearest graveyard with the message "Respawn in 5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. 1.." in front of my eyes. Nope, sorry that doesn't happen here either. You die and then you're dead, end of story.
Fuck, that, shit.
I'm trying to think of a great closing paragraph, but it's not happening, so, have a fabulous Easter.
-SNL
On the bright side, real life has some of the sweetest graphics ever.
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