Today's blog is a very, very personal take on a specific turn of events that myself and my partner have gone through this Easter weekend. I encourage you to read it to it's fullest, and take everything I write here very seriously.
I'd like to start by thanking everyone around me for their continued support and caring during this extremely difficult time for us.
It was 7:30pm on Saturday night when my partner asked me to take her back into town to get a pair of tights to head out in with her friends for the night, I was designated to not drink that night so there was no issue with taking a quick trip back in to pick up the item.
After pulling out of the drive and heading down the road, we came to an intersection where we had to turn right, the car seemed to be revving quite high so I slowed down for the turn, taking it nice and slow and pulling back into second gear (I was driving an automatic). After making the turn I started to accelerate, and made my way into third gear. It was at this moment that I struggled to knock it into drive, I looked down at the gearbox and made sure I was in third (which I was at the time) and thought to myself "I'll hold the down the button, and slide it into drive and limp into town", after struggling for what seemed like forever, I finally got it to shift into what I thought was drive.
Unfortunately, the stick slipped completely through drive and neutral, into reverse.
In doing so, the wheels locked up, and we started skidding, I lost all control of the car as it cannoned down the road. It was all I could do to keep us from hitting a pole. We hit a ditch on the side of the road and the car lurched onto the passenger's side, before crashing back down onto all four wheels.
The first thing I did was turn the car off, and take the keys out. I looked to my left so see my partner in complete shock, screaming and crying. I got her and myself out of the car and for the next fifteen minutes I stood on the side of the road with my partner in my arms shaking and crying.
Anyone who has never been in this situation has absolutely no idea how horrific this experience is.
I called my dad, he assured me that everything was going to be okay, and that he'd be out there asap, during that time I felt like vomiting, my legs were shaking, my arms were shaking, I couldn't see properly and the only thing I could see when I closed my eyes was the replay of what just happened. I could see the fence on the side of the road coming closer and closer, I could hear my girlfriend screaming as we hit the ditch, I could hear the tyres screeching along the road, and finally I could hear the sickening thud of the car coming to rest.
All I could think of was that I'd just nearly ruined two families' lives.
Does anyone know how crushing that feels? I felt like the worst person in the entire world. The next day was Easter Sunday and I'd just ruined it.
Fast forward to Easter Sunday, the whole family is at my dad's and all I can think is "I nearly lost all of this." My new baby sister, my dad, everyone. It's kinda hard to enjoy yourself when you can't stop thinking about that kind of thing.
I still can't close my eyes without the aforementioned images flashing in front of my eyes, the noise and the same feeling from that night just comes straight back. I haven't slept properly since the accident.
In closing, I was not drinking and I was not being a dickhead. Judge me as you will for documenting what we've been through. But this is my way of coping, I can't just pretend like it never happened. I'm not going to force these horrible images out of my head. I'm going to live with it and keep going. As the quote goes, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I'd just really like to know how I've become stronger because of this.